januarytwentyEIGHTohnine.

So, it’s been a while since I blogged on xanga. :]& currently, my mood is ecstatic. Why? Cus my birthday’s tmrws. I’ve been waiting for this day to come for a really long day. Yay, it’s sweet sixteen<3.

Life's been rough these days. i'm glad that we're on our regents week. A time to break away from all these stress & problems at school. i'm not doing so well in class, but i guess. i'm determined to do so much better, seeing the results i've gotten these past few months.

I'm starting to enjoy OhNine, as i assumed. Parties every now &then to relieve stress and such, Getting in touch with people that i haven't talked to in a while. & most of all. meeting new people. idontknow why, but i LOVE meeting new people. & just getting to know them. it's like another way to make me smile and yeah. lately, i'm trying to NOT be a facebook addict, but it's not working. & this whole regents week would be mostly on chilling & drama<3. damn yo, i'm majorly addicted again. :DDD !

& plus, my other sweet sixteen party, [ part i ]. man did i enjoy it. & especially the part where i RECIEVED gifts. yay. thanks you<3 :D

LALALA, i can't wait till tmrw.
& seeing you guys <3.
______love, hildawong.<3(:

& now i start to wonder, what's inside that head of yours?
- i don't like the way you looked at me, even when i didn't even see it for myself.
  ^ only certain people would understand what i'm saying.

christmas love.
it's almost christmas, & this week is the week of receiving and giving out presents around school.
but guess what ? i'm no where near done with christmas cards.
i'm so screwed. gah. D: i hate it when i promise to write long cards, cus i really do WRITE A REALLY LONG CARD, even if i have nothing to say. :). but whatever. <3.
CHRiSTMAS COUNTDOWN : 10 more days.

parents have been really nice to me these past few days, after what i told them.
it's actually really scary. right, angie ?
i dont feel like writing much today, but i just felt like updating.
payceeeeeeeeeeeeeee______`(: !



_______love, hildawong.<3.

today is decembersecondoheight. happy one year psychic buhdeee rebecca<3.
life makes you end with bumpy roads and long runs. but what do i really enjoy in life? the friends that can make me smile, the joy of happiness in the air, for those i can turn to when i'm in need, but is that really a true happiness, or is it a sorrowness just trying to hide from reality? i really don't know.
these past few weeks, i was able to feel content. to get a dose of friendship by hanging out at lisa's house on wednesday [ november26oheight. ] the joy they can bring me is just priceless. but would they be there for me forever ? i really hope so. but who knows? my parents just leave me in dust all the time, but not of happiness, but those tears in my eyes. i can't understand them. ofcourse everyone tells me, that they're doing what's best for me, yeah i pretty much know that. but sometimes, i really wished they could understand me, what i've been going through, all the pressure and stress they put be through. i mean they can realize that my friends might have some problems in life, where they tell me to go talk to them, but would they ever realize that i may need some help too ? where i can have someone really to talk to, where they would listen to everything i say & actually understand what i really mean, and then make their own comments and judgement at the very end? i'm guessing that's too much to ask for.
lately, i've been crying when i sleep. i didn't notice it, but when it really came out, it was too late to stop it. is it really that hard to know what i've been going through. no one really seems to understand how stressed i am, some might, but not truely. it might be something silly to other people, but to myself, it's a burden for the last 2 years, especially in highschool. i want something truely to motivate myself to just have a better life. i had thought of running away before, but running away would definitely solve nothing for a fact. i guess the only solution right now, would be to stay strong for what's ahead of myself. [ person.<- this is for you too<3;you know who you are. ]

i'll edit this next time.
____love, hildawong.

"The main goal is to create pieces that will evoke emotion, whether it's crying, laughing, or thought provoking. And with each project, they learn, and push themselves for more. "
 -WongFuProductions.

"...this is where most stories end for most nice guys, because since they're so nice. they don't want to interfere, they don't want to put any emotional burden on their friend, or cause any drama. and they just watch her leave, and so, i watched her leave. i just told myself to believe that it wasn't meant to be. why ? because i'm nice."
- PhilipWang; WongFuProductions on Youtube
[ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMGeWGvDHTA ]
i really think it's the sweetest thing ever. <3. 

i don't really know what got me into watching it. but now, it's so inspiring and entertaining to watch them do their thing. it's like watching a reality show, except with things i can ACTUALLY connect and understand with. their videos makes me upset, laugh, and smile. But, you know. that's the whole point. i'm amazed of what graduated college kids can do with videos like those. i wish i were to be able to do things like that. haha. photography & videos = my life <3.

anyways, back to reality.
life's been ohkay now. everything's cooling off. & it went back to how it normally was, like in the beginning of sophomore year. today felt really weird tho, since i wore glasses to school since i accidently dropped one of my contacts last night, and i didn't know until this morning, when i found it on the floor all dried and cracked up and i didn't feel like opening up new contact lens. people were like, " Did you get new glasses ? or You look different today ! or What happen to your contacts? " i was getting that a lot, it got a little annoying actually ? since i kept explaining things OVER and OVER again. blah, but it's ohkay. (:

twilight<3.
comes out tmrws, i'm really excited to go watch it with the 4bohpohs & others ~ !
nothingmuch really happens. i'm feeling more social now, and not holding myself back like i did few weeks ago.
those guys in my chemistylab, ohman. ALL THEY TALK ABOUT IS BASKETBALL. i mean like stfu already. (: haha, kidddding. i love those people. they're just hilarious.

i really miss bowling season. it's been only one week, and it seems like it's already forever.
blah. FrancisLewisBowlingTeamOhEight<3.
& i can't wait to get my new ball and try it outtt this saturday. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32IJq4hHcn4
--Maplestory Music Video that i finally got to finish. yeah don't ask =).

_______love, hildawong.

today is november sixteeen oheight.
life's been really hard lately. i don't understand things that i feel& my actions. it's like my brain is telling me to do something & my actions does another. sometimes. i feeel so like emotional ? but i never show or let things out to people. actually, a lot of my friends don't even know how i feel now a days, even bestfriends. i mean, it's hard for them to understand, since i wouldn't be able to "express" it to them. blah, what am i saying ?

but, lately, i've been drinking with some friends, it made me just forget everything that i was stressing & worrying about. it's like feeling good ? but i don't want to depend on it for that.
--i was texting a friend one night, and it was 11:11pm. that moment, we both made a wish. & my wish was to just have a carefree & stressless month, where i can remember & cherish forever. how hard is that ? i think really. ever since school started, everything feels so different. how friends changed, my lifestyles were changed, &even the people i hung out with. sometimes, i feel myself drifting away from a lot of things. i've changed in a way, where people called me bitchy. is it really true ? or is that just the appearance that i'm just trying to hide my true self. i dont even know myself.
hanging out with the friends are great & everything, but mainly, i feel always left out in that group or whatever we do. maybe it's just me. but i feel that, they have their own thing, & i'm just there. and how my existance there, doesn't really make a difference.

i wish crying would help blow off how i feel, but it really doesn't. it just makes my life even more complicated & worst. what are true friends? that's a question that has lots of possiblities. i know i've found a few, but are they gonna be there forever ? & where i can rely on them for the problems i would like to share & tell ? who knows.
but i'm thankful for having them now. sexdimiffles. family. 4bohpohs &whoever else that i still can trust. i think you guys really mean a lot of me. especially the 4bohpohs, since i chill with you guys nonstop now. i really enjoyed that night, where we just bummed out in flushing & talked between me, melody, sandy, lisa, daneus & philip. i really like those talks, where everyone's not afraid of sharing. thank you for everything. <3